No One Knows What Goes On Behind Closed Doors

Last night, a friend and I were at one of the local watering holes in Milledgeville, Georgia's Antebellum Capital.  As we sat and enjoyed our cold beverages, a woman, who Lewis Grizzard would describe as having "obvious quality", was enjoying a cold beverage with her girlfriends.  Being open mic night at this particular establishment, we patrons were dealt one card short of a straight flush.  As the night went on and different groups performed, my friend and I noticed a strange looking boy with a mohawk approach the woman of "obvious quality".  Now, I don't know which number this particular establishment was in her queue of watering holes for the night, but she and the strange boy with a mohawk got to talking.

My friend remarked, "Would you look at that?  What is he doing talking to her?!"  Minutes later, the duo on stage who could've been stand ins for Cheech and Chong finished their terrible hip-hop act.  Well, wouldn't you know it?  Our pal with the mohawk took the stage.  Thusly, he began his rap performance.  While her new friend was on stage, the woman with "obvious quality" had moved to the bar area.  At one point during his performance, we heard her tell some girlfriends, "He's soooooo sexy!"

Now, I've never considered myself a ladies man or anything of the nature, but I wouldn't think that a rap performance would lure in a woman like this.  My friend agreed.  He said, "What happened to songs like 'Behind Closed Doors' by Charlie Rich, The Silver Fox, being the best way to woo a woman?"  We couldn't come up with any other answer than that of popular music going to hell in a handbasket.  But I digress...

My friend and I were beside ourselves.  How could this woman of "obvious quality" be so attracted to this mohawk adorned boy?  After a few more cold beverages and minutes of pondering, we still couldn't come up with an explanation.  Finally I asked her, "Ma'am, I couldn't help but overhear you a minute ago, but my friend and I were wondering why it is that you're so attracted to that boy with the mohawk?"  The answer came long before she could ever make one up.  As she turned my way, I could see it in her eyes that she probably wouldn't remember this night.  What a shame.

After explaining the recent discovery to my friend, we sat and wondered what the scenario would be later that night for the woman and her mohawked boy toy.  I asked my friend, "When they're together later tonight and she asks him to sing to her, do you think he'll softly sputter out some rhymes from his rap music?"  My friend shrugged and said, "Unfortunately so, but no one knows what goes on behind closed doors."



 

Keep Cool, Even When It's Freezing

Days like today are the ones where I sit back and reflect on the days before and think, "How is it only Thursday?"  Everyone in the Southeast knows how cold the past couple nights have been.  Milledgeville experienced lows in the teens with wind chills in the single digits.  Being a property manager, this causes grave concern regarding water issues.  Having been a community manager for just over a year, the potential of frozen and busted pipes could very well have been my biggest test thus far.

Tuesday morning began with a 7:45 A.M. phone call from a resident.  "Philip," she said in her deep, southern drawl, "Sorry to bother you this early, but I have absolutely no hot water in my house.  The cold water works just fine, but I don't have any hot water."  I replied, "I'll call maintenance and have them take a look."  Now, knowing full well there wasn't anything I or maintenance could do about her situation, I still had to appease her by making the effort.  You see, when pipes freeze, there generally isn't anything you can do about it until they thaw out.  For those of you wishing to get technical, there wasn't a snowball's chance in hell that either I or maintenance was getting up in her attic with a torch to thaw out her pipes.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the only call Tuesday.  By 9 A.M., I had received another 6 calls or so.  By 11, that number was probably closer to 50.  Sometimes you have to handle the things out of your control the best you can.  Keep a positive attitude, instruct those in distress how to best handle the situation, and make sure they know the signs of busted pipes.  Fortunately, a busted pipe has yet to be reported.    

Bundle Up, Folks. This One's Gonna Sting

Tonight, Florida State and Auburn will play for the last (thank God) BCS National Championship in Pasadena, California.  Although the weather at kickoff will be around 70 degrees in Pasadena, here in the middle of the Peach State, it will be a brisk 24 degrees.  Now, you know and I know that any temperature under 40 degrees feels colder than an eskimo's outhouse to us Georgians.  It's simply unacceptable.  Before I read the forecast, I had planned on grilling burgers and having a cookout.  But having a cookout in 20 degree weather is for crazy people.  Those folks up in Green Bay, Chicago, and Minnesota can have this weather.  The only good thing is the sun is finally shining again.  Had it been cold and wet today, I would've used my first personal day of the year.

Getting back to the game, here.  Lots of people are torn about who to pull for during tonight's contest.  The Seminoles have been rockin' 'n rollin' since week one this year.  After an undefeated season, their closest point margin was 14.  On the other hand, many are wondering if tonight will be the last night the lucky horseshoe resides in Auburn's hindquarters-- a home for the horseshoe since October of the 2013 season.  My belief is Florida State will be serving the said horseshoe an eviction notice, and thusly replacing it with a foot.  

Legal Left-Handed Lucky's?

DENVER -- Local contractors are eager to begin hundreds of apartment construction jobs as marijuana users plan to relocate to the area.  One construction worker exclaimed, "We can't wait to begin work and get paid, so we can partake in the new pot laws!"

Folks, despite the cold and snowy conditions, potheads are lining the streets of Denver to purchase marijuana legally.  According to CNN, Sean Azzariti, a Marine who served from 2000 to 2006 who suffers from PTSD, says marijuana alleviates the stress and anxiety from PTSD.  Unfortunately, PTSD didn't qualify in the days of medical marijuana.  So Azzariti, who has been smoking for some time,  "described his purchase of recreational marijuana -- legally -- as a historic moment Wednesday."

Even after the stores had been open for hours, hundreds of people were still in line.  Fox News reports, "Crowds were serenaded by live music as they waited for the nation's first legal recreational pot shops to open.  They ate doughnuts and funnel cakes as a glass-blower made smoking pipes.  Some tourists even rode around in a limo, eager to try weed but not so eager to be seen buying it."  "'I'm going to frame the receipt when I go home, to remind myself of what might be possible:  Legal everywhere.'" musician James Aaron Ramsey, 28, who did some time in jail for pot possession in Missouri and played folk tunes with his guitar for those in line."  I would've figured the funnel cakes and doughnuts to come after the purchase, not before.  

Needless to say, America is changing again.  Prohibition of marijuana is over in some areas of Colorado, and Washington state is apparently next.  But Coloradans aren't the only ones in town for Pot Fest 2014.  Stores have reported ID's from Georgia, Vermont, Arizona, Oregon, Wyoming, Louisiana, Alaska, and Hawaii.  Also, Pot Fest 2014 became an international affair when Canadians, Australians, and Italians were reportedly on the scene.  The new marijuana laws in Colorado prohibit the devil's lettuce from leaving the state, so I imagine Colorado will remain under cloudy conditions for the foreseeable future.  

However, maybe the new law is a good thing.  It isn't available, legally, to minors, and the tax revenues will surely help as well.  Furthermore, one this is certain-  Denver, once again, will be the true "Mile-High City".

Happy New Year to Me

It's New Year's Day, 2014 edition, and my Georgia Bulldogs are having a rough go of it in the sloppy, wet Gator Bowl.  Georgia is 8-4 going into this game and is in a rematch of last year's Capital One Bowl with Nebraska.  Through three quarters, Georgia is behind 24-12.  The Bulldogs have resorted to kicking field goals up until this point.  For some reason, the end zone has continued to elude us.  Nebraska, however, has been dealt a bit of good luck.  Backed up on their own 1 yard line, they make a miraculous play on third down with a 99 yard touchdown throw.

Hey!  Quick score by UGA to start the 4th.  Maybe there's hope yet!  24-19 and Nebraska isn't going anywhere.

For New Year's Eve, I decided to join my friends in Atlanta to ring in 2014.  We enjoyed a fantastic meal at Maggiano's in Buckhead and partied the night away at the St. Regis, a classy establishment.  For me, I could spend New Year's Eve in just about any environment; however, the St. Regis was just the ticket for this special occasion.  Macallan 12 year and Oliva Serie V in hand, I retired to the outdoor fireplace to enjoy my stogie.  Unlike most of my friends and patrons of the St. Regis, I was without a date for the evening.  Needless to say, this is a less than favorable position to be in for such an event.  Such is life.

Finishing my cigar moments before the countdown, I was able to make my way back inside for the big celebration.  After the countdown and relocating my friends, we decided to head back outside for some fresh air and breathing room.  As we made our way through the crowd, a blonde who was obviously of a different caliber, and league for that matter, was standing near the door.  As we approached she puckered up and offered me a New Year's kiss.  Being one to not to disappoint or shy away from such an opportunity, I planted one on her.  Much obliged, ma'am.  Happy New Year.

As for the game, Georgia has failed to convert on 4th and 3.  Nebraska takes over with 0:25 left.  24-19.  Thankfully, the abysmal 2013 season for the Dawgs is finally put to rest.