Defending the Southern Heritage

I am a Southerner. There's no doubting that.  While I am proud of my Southern heritage, there are others, some who are friends of mine, who are ashamed of being a Southerner.  Nowadays, it seems people are renouncing their Southern heritage left and right.  Some have gone great lengths to neutralize themselves of their Southern ways.  For instance, there was a girl who lived down the street.  Blonde hair, hazel eyes, and the cutest accent you've ever heard.  Well, that little girl grew up, latched on to this recent hipster style, and has unofficially renounced herself as a Southerner.  Recently, she posted her disdain for how "southerners talk like someone slowed time and then shoved a bunch of food in their mouth.".  Obviously, she has forgotten the way she once talked.  

When I was 14 years old, mama took me, my brother, and grandmother along for a business trip to Starved Rock State Park in Utica, Illinois.  She stretched the trip from two days to a full week.  We saw the Grand Ole Opry, the Louisville Slugger Museum, the College Football Hall of Fame, Notre Dame, and a Chicago Cubs game along the way.  But it was at the College Football Hall of Fame where I was in need of a snack, so mama sent me to the snack bar to purchase a hotdog.  Behind the counter was a girl no older than 25.  When I asked for a hotdog with mustard, she asked, "You aren't from Indiana are you?"  I replied, "No, how'd you figure that out?"  She smirked and said, "Because you talk funny."  Now folks, I may be a Southerner, I may mix up my words every now and then, but I definitely do not "talk funny".  Even at the age of 14, I couldn't help myself.  I exclaimed, "I talk funny?!  Ma'am, if you come to Georgia, you would find that YOU are, indeed, the one who 'talks funny'!"  Startled, she asked for the $3.75 and handed me my hotdog.  We'll call it a small victory for the South. 

Honestly, I don't see why anyone would renounce being Southern.  It beats the H-E-double golf clubs out of being a Yankee.  As for me, I particularly enjoy being a Southerner.  Southern hospitality and Southern charm are just two of the many excellent qualities we Southerners possess.  Our Northern counterparts don't understand these traits.  They can't comprehend greeting perfect strangers while in line at the post office.  Reminds me of the time the two girls were moving into their college dorm.  One girl was from Georgia and the other from Connecticut.  The girl from Connecticut was hanging drapes with her mama when the girl from Georgia asks, "Where are y'all from?"  The girl from Connecticut said, "From a place where we don't end a sentence with a preposition."  The girl from Georgia replied sweetly, "Oh, pardon me!  Where are y'all from, bitch?"

No, you can't beat Southern hospitality and charm.